


we're running out of reasons, but we can't let go

by taehbaeh



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mostly bitter, They both love each other very much, kinda bittersweet, not really - Freeform, sad with not much of a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-18 14:27:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20640662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taehbaeh/pseuds/taehbaeh
Summary: Seungyoun doesn't want to know a world without Wooseok.





	we're running out of reasons, but we can't let go

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with a little something, it's very little as you can tell. It's angst again, not as angsty as my last fic but angsty nonetheless. I hope you'll like it!  
Comments and kudos are very much appreciated!

“Seungyoun, I can’t do this anymore.”

Wooseok looks tired. His shoulders are slumped, features seemingly pulled into a permanent scowl. He looks worn out and Seungyoun hates being part of the reason, if not the entirety of it.

Wooseok's standing by the door frame of their shared bedroom, fingers fiddling with the hem of his sleeve, something Seungyoun knows all too well to be a sign that he’s anxious.

Seungyoun rises from the bed, his heart banging against his chest almost too frantically and his gaze locks onto Wooseok's.

“What are you saying?”

He knows what Wooseok is saying, it’s not the first time this is happening, after all. But this time Wooseok truly looks as if he’s given up; as if he really can’t do this anymore, and Seungyoun’s alarmed.

“You know exactly what I’m saying.” A tired sigh leaves his pretty lips and Seungyoun hates seeing him like this, “We can’t drag this on any longer.”

“Wooseok, please-"

Seungyoun’s voice trembles when he speaks and he takes one step towards the other.

Wooseok’s takes one backward.

That's all they seem to be doing these days, they're steps aren't matching anymore. They haven't in a long time. A voice in Seungyoun's head keeps telling him it's unfixable but does he want to listen?

_No. _Not if it means he's going to lose Wooseok.

“I’m tired, Youn.” Wooseok's voice cracks and Seungyoun’s entire world seems to break down when a tear slips out of the other's eyes. “I’m so fucking tired of this- this thing we have going on which just doesn’t seem to lead anywhere!”

The younger’s hands are shakily moving in every direction while he tries to find the words that will only hurt Seungyoun more.

“Baby, we can work on this. We can try-"

Wooseok shakes his head. “We've tried it countless times before. You know this.”

In the half-light coming from the living room, Wooseok almost looks like the shadow he's become. Seungyoun knows that in a way he took their bond for granted, and in his naivety, he’d thought it was unbreakable, no matter what happened. But the moment Seungyoun lets him leave, it won't only be broken but shattered into fragments more numerous than the stars. Seungyoun wants to beg, plead, get down on his knees and tell him that their love has meaning, but he knows that face. It is the one he wears when his ears are closed and his mind has put up barriers to all new information. So no matter what Seungyoun says it will only push him further away.

So when he walks closer it is with nothing but hope that Wooseok will feel his desperation and be reminded of everything that makes this worth it. Because Seungyoun has never looked at another, never wanted another. The bitterness is rising like bile into his mouth and he knows when Wooseok's gone he'll have no reason to swallow it anymore.

Wooseok sees him approaching and he looks guarded; afraid that Seungyoun is going to convince him once again. He shakes his head, more tears welling in his eyes, “You know I’m right, Seungyoun.”

And Seungyoun knows. He really does. He’s aware that there are no reasons for this to continue, the pain is there and no matter what they do, it doesn’t seem to want to go away. But the love he bears for Wooseok always outweighs every single doubt he might have. Maybe they'd be better off apart but the thought leaves such a bitter taste in Seungyoun’s mouth, he doesn’t want to ever think about a world without Wooseok.

“I love you.”

“Don’t make this harder than it is.”

Wooseok looks away and Seungyoun reaches out, fingers grazing against the side of his face.

“Then tell me you don’t love me anymore.”

Wooseok snaps his head to look at him as if Seungyoun’s words cause a shock so big; almost as if they offend him.

“Don’t be stupid, you know I do.”

Wooseok's eyes are glistening in the little amount of light provided in the room and his lower lip is quivering, like a little kid who’s had his toy taken away from him. Wooseok had always been a hard person to read, confusing Seungyoun more times than not. But in this moment his eyes are the windows to the pain he carries. Seungyoun can see through them. He can see his suffering and his gentleness just the same. He sees how every emotion comes together to form the art of his soul. It forms a picture he sees in an instant and comprehends with full depth. And Seungyoun wants nothing more than to make it all go away.

And maybe Seungyoun’s being selfish. Maybe he knows that the moment his lips will find Wooseok's skin, the other's resistance will crumble.

And maybe that's why he attaches his lips to Wooseok's jaw, the latter's breath hitching that very moment.

“Seungyoun, please.”

His breath is hot against the other's skin, lips moving lower to leave soft kisses against Wooseok's neck. Seungyoun hears a quiet whimper and soon a pair of hands find their way on his neck. He feels the tremble in Wooseok’s body as his lips slowly work their way down his neck to the exposed part of his collar bone.

“I love you so much.” Seungyoun breathes against the other’s heated skin, hands slowly but surely snaking around his waist. He pulls Wooseok closer, lips carefully trailing his skin like he wants to make him understand. And maybe he does because his head tilts ever so slightly, arms tightening around Seungyoun. And he is usually all logic and feigned cool detachment until he touches Wooseok’s skin. Then something not only stirs in him, but it takes over his thinking. The rest of his world becomes an unimportant blur that is banished into the far recesses of his mind. The only thing that matters is _him_.

Seungyoun can taste the saltiness from Wooseok’s tears on his tongue when the other whimpers, “This is going to ruin us, Seungyoun…”

Hands slip under Wooseok’s shirt, cold fingers meeting bare skin that Seungyoun is all too familiar with.

“I know, baby.”

Wooseok’s scent is flooding his senses and Seungyoun doesn’t care about anything but the other. He doesn’t know how to let go and he never wants to learn how to.

Wooseok’s eyes are glazed with tears as he looks at him and Seungyoun wishes he knew how to make Wooseok happy.

He catches a falling tear, thumb swiping on delicate skin and presses a kiss on Wooseok’s cheek, gentle and, hopefully, comforting.

“We’ll get through this, I promise.”

Wooseok stares at him, eyes seemingly searching for a reason to stay and Seungyoun knows he won’t find one.

Despite this, Wooseok nods, eyes fluttering downwards.

“Okay.”

Seungyoun feels relief calm the anxious beating of his heart when he knows he has, once again, succeeded in convincing the other to stay. He feels like he can breathe again knowing he gets to selfishly keep Wooseok around for a little longer.

And he's aware that all they’re doing is placing a temporary bandage on a permanent wound but his world is built entirely around Wooseok, he has no recollection of how it was before and he’s unable to visualize it without him.

Slowly, inexorably, he presses his lips to Wooseok’s and nothing else matters anymore. All the worry fades away when Wooseok’s lips move against his own and Seungyoun momentarily forgets that it’s a matter of time until they crash and burn; fatally, this time.

He forgets that he might not ever be able to love Wooseok the way he’s meant to.


End file.
